A TRIP into MY TROUBLED MIND

Excruciating Pain

How painful is the pain of betrayal?  M

Bukhari :: Book 8 :: Volume 73 :: Hadith 197

Narrated Ibn 'Umar:

Allah's Apostle said, "A flag will be fixed on the Day of Resurrection for every betrayer, and it will be announced (publicly in front of everybody), 'This is the betrayal (perfidy) so-and-so, the son of so-and-so."

What If Today Was my Last Day on Earth?

 I often wondered if I had one day to live on this earth what would I do differently? How would I feel having to know that I was about to die?  I am sorry; I do not mean to be gloomy or depressing, on the contrary I would like you to think about it.  It could be a life changing experience.  To tell you the truth when I asked myself that question, I was not able to come up with a straight forward answer.  Sobhan Allah, the answer was so difficult, I guess because there was a lot to do, and no time, and no idea from where to start.  I decided to call that day "My Race to Paradise".  I felt that it was like racing for that A+ grade, please excuse the analogy, of course there is a huge difference between the goal and the sense of gratification from successfully achieving it.  It took me a complete hour just sitting there contemplating on the exact starting point, then it hit me; I had to earn as much thawab as I possibly could. This would only happen if my intentions for every possible task, as small as could be described, would be sincerely for the sake of Allah (SWT). 

Step 1

To make a deed sincere for the sake of Allah (SWT) is not by making it only for your personal benefit, but also by intending for others to benefit from it as well.  My first step was to make everything that I would do during that day intended sincerely for the sake of Allah (SWT).    This idea as simple as it might sound is quite forgotten by us, we seem to have fallen into the regular routine of the day, and we rhythmically follow through it without even thinking of what good whatever we do, would bring for other people.  The simple notion of thinking could earn you immense thawab La Ilaha Ila Allah how merciful Allah (SWT) is, and how absent minded we have become.  The following quote by Imam Al Ghazali triggered the idea of the first step in my race to Paradise (Al Ghazali, 1987: 69) 

"A person might build a huge castle, with large balconies, wide corridors, and plant a garden with swaying fruit trees, and between his decorated castle, and fruitful garden, he is considered a king on earth.  Except that had he intended use for people from his building and planting, he would have earned unparalleled

Thawab"

Step 2
So I intended to make every action and deed sincerely for the sake of Allah (SWT) as my first step towards my attempt to reach Paradise ISA.  Ok readers, how am I going to do that? I wanted to get as much thawab as possible; this meant that from the moment I woke up to the time that I went to bed I had to focus, so that my intentions would be purely for Allah's sake.  Let's see, I woke up, made breakfast to feed my husband and my children so that they would be strong and healthy Muslims.  I started to work on my daily chores to have a clean and orderly house and to facilitate a better environment for my family to live, study, play and even work in.  I then focused on my writings which I love doing to make the beauty of Islam known to all people in a simple and funny way.  I called my mom and my mother in law to cash on selat al rahim thawab.  I performed all my prayers on time and with concentration performing my basic duties as a muslimah.  I tried to remember if I owed someone any money, and I believe I might have, so I told my husband to see that that person got it back, so as to follow what the Prophet PBUH had said in his Hadith: The Prophet owed a camel of a certain age to a man who came to demand it back. The Prophet ordered his companions to give him. They looked for a camel of the same age but found nothing but a camel one year older. The Prophet told them to give it to him. The man said, "You have paid me in full, and may Allah pay you in full." The Prophet said, "The best amongst you is he who pays his debts in the most handsome manner." Bukhari :: Book 3 :: Volume 41 :: Hadith 578




Wake up call
By the end of the day I was very unhappy, for you would think that I should feel the opposite given that I had done everything sincerely for Allah's sake.  However, my source of unhappiness was that I did not feel extra burdened from what I had done during that day, it was exactly like any normal day, with the exception that I reminded myself of the purpose of performing each and every task.  I kept asking myself Why?Why? why didn't I do that before?  I could have saved up on Thawab that would be of great use to me now.  On the day of Judgment Allah (SWT) will not Judge Rania Marwan only, no, the whole Asian continent, North and south America,  Australia, Africa, I mean the whole entire world.  Rania Marwan is a human among all other human beings on the planet earth.  Will I be able to stand against all those people; some of them are definitely much much better than me.  I shook myself, and vowed that I would not give in no matter what, my goal was clear, and my time was dear.
Step 3
It was 6:00 pm, and I was running out of time, and the day was about to come to an end.  Then I reminded myself that I shouldn't panic and that I should not waste any time, I read the beautiful words of Sheik Al Ghazali (1987: 71): " How precious sincerity is, and how numerous its blessings, it mixes with little and makes it grow until it weighs like mountains, whereas it is absent in a lot and for Allah it weighs almost nothing". I decided that the final step that I should do was to write my children a letter, the purpose of which was to make them understand the importance of sincerity and the meaning of life with hope that it might help them in their journey in life.
Assalamo Alykum my dear Nour, Haya and Ali,
     I am writing you this letter to tell you about the importance of being sincere in every action that you take in your life; it is the key to living a happy life.  My dear children do not do anything for any purpose other than for the sake of Allah, and always remember that life is full of temptations, and people lose themselves in it. They forget the purpose of their existence, which is to worship Allah (SWT) through following the Quran and Sunnah.   My dear children always remember the beautiful words in surat al Kahf: Say, "I am only a man like you, to whom has been revealed that your god is one God. So whoever would hope for the meeting with his Lord - let him do righteous work and not associate in the worship of his Lord anyone."(110)   
My dear children, I am not telling you to seclude yourselves, and stop enjoying life, not at all, live your life, buy things and enjoy them, help other people, have families, but in every step along the way, stop and ask yourselves what good am I going to do for others by performing this action? How will my action please Allah (SWT)?  My children bear in mind that Allah (SWT) loves to see you happy and is entirely merciful.
My dear children make your faith stronger than the rock, and deeper than the oceans, and remember when the Pharoh's sorcerers refused to be tempted by money and position, and held to their belief, and said to the tyrant king:  They said, "Never will we prefer you over what has come to us of clear proofs and [over] He who created us. So decree whatever you are to decree. You can only decree for this worldly life. Indeed, we have believed in our Lord that He may forgive us our sins and what you compelled us [to do] of magic. And Allah is better and more enduring."(TA HA: 72-73).
My dear children always remember that I love you, but Allah (SWT) loves you more, so serve him in this world well by following the beautiful Ayah in Surat Al Bayyina that says: "And they were not commanded except to worship Allah , [being] sincere to Him in religion, inclining to truth, and to establish prayer and to give zakah. And that is the correct religion"(5).
Salam
Live well, and work hard
Your loving mom
Rania








You have traveled with me deep into my troubled mind, I would like to leave you with something a little bit more cheerful.
    And Paradise will be brought near to the righteous, not far,[ It will be said], This is what you were promised - for every returner [to Allah ] and keeper [of His covenant] Who feared the Most Merciful unseen and came with a heart returning [in repentance]. Enter it in peace. This is the Day of Eternity. They will have whatever they wish therein, and with Us is more. Surah: 50   Aya: 36

Salam

Until we meet again

Rania